Desperate

Desperate, Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

By Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson

I really want to like this book; several people I really respect love this book.  I like the overall concepts of this book but there are so many little things that keep me from loving it.

Desperate is team written by a young mom and mentor mom and covers a variety of topics including the mission of motherhood, reason why we do what we do, needing others especially a mentor, the sin factor, and gritty stuff like depression, housework, selflessness and then ends with thoughts on how to be a great mom.  I loved the focus on the fact that formulas don’t always work because all families are different, the reassurance that there are seasons of life (one reason this book is probably especially good for ones with very little ones, I felt like I was a little out of the season on ‘desperation’ that they were focusing on), the need to work hard but overall to trust God and lean into Him for your purpose and worth; and to enjoy your life as a mother (another subtitle could be enjoy every moment-seriously). 

Yet I had a hard time with this book.  First of all, I really felt the need for a short disclaimer that these are issues facing middle to upper class moms in developed nations and that we have sisters around the world whose problems aren’t- am I spending too much time on the computer but what will my children eat, will my son be captured by the African child army or will I have to sell my daughter so the rest of us can survive?  I don’t think we need to feel needless guilty that others have it harder but I do think we need to realize the truth.  I also feel like the book doesn’t address working class families of America either.  They do talk about making the budget in the early years but there is also a lot about spa days and buying flowers and hiring a maid. I wanted to ask, does the manicurist also get to homeschool and invest in her kids that way?  Of course not.  (I am writing this at the mall while my youngest is at preschool while a women is cleaning the floor around me!)  But this book is addressed to those of us Christian moms who can be at home with our kids and we do have to live the life God has given us with its own issues and ups and downs.  I also felt like the book, while honest, still had a too chipper feel about it; it seemed like the structure and way it was written would fit a blog form better than a book.  Sally many times talked about the need to refill yourself and find what is life-giving for you (for her music and beauty) so you can pour into your children, but she didn’t give examples on what that might be for others.  I also felt confusion between the being selfless, working hard and not ‘escaping’ part versus the need to refill.  Sally says some will say you deserve to do x,y & z (their example is the computer or shop) and I wanted to say, yes the chapter before you were the one saying it.  I was in the shower the other day and wanted to stay for a while longer wanting a break from my girls and I thought, is this a life-giving refill I need or am I escaping from the need to engage my children?  I know the answer is there is no formula you just need to be sensitive to what the Spirit leads.  Which really is the best part of the book, reminding us moms that God created us for a purpose and we can effect eternity with these little lives he has given us. 

If you are a mom with little ones, I do recommend you read this book (and do the activities for each chapter)